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How laws get made in the United States

The process of creating laws in the United States sure can seem confusing! To help you understand it, here's a little explanation of all of the steps of a bill becoming a law!

Step 1: Initial Drafting

The initial version of every bill is written by a corps of clerk-elves, who live deep below the current House Majority Leader's residence.

The clerk-elves toil very hard in the name of Democracy — though these creatures, in the wild, have an average lifespan of 200 years, the annual Congressional clerk-elf mortality rate is about 80%! This is, however, the clerk-elves' purpose in life, so it is not sad!

Step 2: Conformance to H.R. 2018

The official Congressional Minister painstakingly modifies the text of the bill to ensure that it conforms to H.R. 2018, which requires at least 20% of any valid legislation to be scripture.

Step 3: Special Interest Groups

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Step 4: Approval by Dick Cheney

The bill is imprinted onto microfilm and affixed to the talons of Murdror, the Congressional Falcon, to take to Dick Cheney's Volcano Base. Murdror is one of five beings privileged with knowing the base's exact location.

At this point, Cheney must sign off on the legislation, otherwise it shall not become law.

Step 5: Presidential Approval

At this time, the President can either sign the bill to approve it, or he may instead choose to settle the bill by veto.

Veto is a procedure dating back to Roman Times. In veto, the bill's proponents and opponents each choose a single representative. The two representatives decide whether the bill is to be passed into law by fighting to the death with their hands tied behind their backs.

Step 6: The Forging of the Skinlaw

If the bill is to become law, it must first be tattooed, in its entirety, onto the skin of a man, known as a Skinlaw.

When the man dies, the law is nullified.

Step 7: The Supreme Court of the United States

You have probably heard of the Supreme Court of the United States. This is a court that can decide that laws are unconstitutional.

If the court rules that a particular law is unconstitutional, it is the Justices' democratic responsibility to send Judicial Assassins to attempt to kill the relevant Skinlaw and thereby nullify the unconstitutional law.

12 July 2010.
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